I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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