his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
