I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
