where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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