I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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