Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
