Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
