my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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