oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I love you. Go after that dick
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
