I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
