i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
