using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
