Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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