I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
