mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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