I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
