I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
