she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
did i just pee glitter
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
