I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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