I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
