Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
