I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
