where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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