Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
BRING THE BAGELS
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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