Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
