My underwear smells like fireworks.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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