i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I think i got beer on your cat.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
