I could make wine with my vomit
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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