Well apparently he's into motor boating.
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
