guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
