I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
