i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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