just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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