it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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