Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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