saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
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