I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
