woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
