I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
