Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Boobs speak an international language.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
