Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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