And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
