This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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