Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
