when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
