okay pat passed out under dana's car
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
