forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
