I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
