i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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