it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
