I could make wine with my vomit
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
