dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I think I am morally bankrupt
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
