No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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