He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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