are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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